The Journey

Horribly Ashamed

A few years ago I put myself in a situation (at least I feel I did) that I cannot take back and I am ashamed to admit it happened. I am also ashamed of my behavior before and after.

I had a schoolgirl crush on my best friend’s neighbor. Nothing ever came of it until years later when I had ‘grown into a swan’ and he…well. I had “hooked up” with this guy before willingly.

One morning after a long night of partying I received a phone call from him asking for a ride home. I picked him up, and he pursued more interaction. I repeatedly said NO. When we finally were at his home, he continued. I said no, but somewhat went along with it because it was “easier” then the consequences of standing my ground.

Looking back, this was not consensual by any means. Regardless I feel I let it happen so it must be my fault! I never said anything to anyone and after a different drunken night let it happen willingly! I say this because I now know I had low self-esteem and could’ve held my ground, but I didn’t.

Girls/women out there, you are not alone and no one deserves to be mistreated; we all deserve better!

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